Singleness of Heart 3

We satisfy our desire for self-justification by congratulating ourselves, says Clifford Williams, in Singleness of Heart. This can get pretty subtle. “We might love without anticipation of return, yet be moved by the thought that we have loved and that we have given ourselves to another.” We do this when we “feel indispensable.” He isn’t anti-self-respect: “Realizing that we have done well is legitimate, and having self-respect, too, but when we act solely because we want to have the realization and respect,” that’s when our true motive turns out to be self-justification.

There’s more: “One subtle and nearly universal way in which we congratulate ourselves is by taking pleasure in our thoughts.” In Christian contexts, this happens when we praise ourselves for “acting in conformity with accepted Christian standards,” “praying daily, singing hymns enthusiastically, and reading the Bible regularly,” “believing correct Christian doctrine,” and “having changed dramatically upon becoming a Christian.”

After reading that previous paragraph, some of us may think: "I know people like that, but I'm not like that. After all, I understand grace. I'm no legalist. I know God cares about the inside, not external performance." What did we just do? We compared. And then, just maybe, ever so subtly (and perhaps so subtly that we don't even realize that we just did), patted ourselves on our back. Quite insidious, isn't it, this self-congratulation business?

Here is the danger of self-congratulations: “[W]e will think God admires us for the same reasons that we admire ourselves.” “If we admire ourselves for being good Christians, loving humbly, and giving encouragement to the downcast, we will conceive of God admiring us for these too.” Yes, God is pleased with us because he made us, but that is not the same thing as his admiring us for what we do, says Clifford Williams.

What is the cure? “The opposite of self-congratulation” is not self-loathing or self-abnegation. It is, rather, “self-forgetfulness.”

Peace Like a River 1

Some passages in fiction ring so true, not because you’ve experienced something similar, but because you have not, yet long to, surer of its truth than you are of your own experiences. Leit Enger’s depiction, in Peace Like a River, of a high school girl, Dolly, a moment after she is rescued by her boyfriend’s father (Jeremiah Land) from two boys assaulting her in the school locker room, is one such passage:

[Dolly] suddenly could not stop laughing. Here was [Jeremiah Land], his face still lit though now even the flashlight had gone out, smiling…though his eyes looked terribly melancholy, whacking Finch and Basca every second or two while the pair of them shrieked in no English you’d recognize – Dolly said the laughter just flooded through her and came not only from relief, as you might surmise, but from a reckless and holy sort of joy she had never felt before, not even while cheerleading.

Reckless and holy sort of joy. I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced it. But I long to. Because I’m sure, it is, in every sense of its word, true.

Singleness of Heart 2

In addition to desire for reward, and the fear of disapproval, Clifford Williams points to drive for self-justification as one of the motives undermining the singleness of heart in Singleness of Heart. He says we can use legitimate activities to justify ourselves – e.g., our jobs. Moreover:

This is especially true of professional people, who are acutely conscious that their jobs are highly regarded by the rest of society. It is true too of ministers and counselors, who may constantly be aware of the love they give and the broken lives they help fix.

And this drive for self-justification is found in the most mundane aspects of our lives: “Our clothes give us the feeling of being approved…. Our attractive faces and hairstyles make us feel valued…. Our worthy character traits and sacrificial activities make us feel as if we stand above the crowd…."

Specifically, we do this by comparing ourselves to others:

If we are rich, we feel superior to the upper middle class. If we belong to the upper middle class, we feel superior to the lower middle class. If we belong to the lower middle class, we feel superior both to the poor for having more than they do, and to the upper middle class and the rich for not having wealth or a superior attitude” (emphasis in the original).

How about those who earnestly seek the spiritual discipline of solitude? "Perhaps we have periods of solitude in which we contemplate the point of what we do and probe the depths of human experience. We are not like the masses, we tell ourselves, who dull their sensitivities to ultimate issues by watching television every evening or who unthinkingly rush…. They are caught up in external forces, accept popular opinion at face value, and have no idea of what it is like to think for themselves.” Result: “Those of us who spend time alone reading and thinking are particularly susceptible to making this kind of comparison.”

Indeed.

Singleness of Heart 1

Clifford Williams is relentless and brutal in dissecting the condition of a divided heart in Chapter 3 of Singleness of Heart. Regarding the drive for self-justification, one of the motives undermining singleness of heart, he says:

We can discover the extent to which the sense of unworthy influences us by noticing the contents of our inner newsreels. Almost all of them contain images that involve, directly or indirectly, our need for a sense of worth. We remember a conversation we had with a friend or the point we made in a group discussion, and we smile to ourselves because of what we said. The face of a person of the opposite sex flashes to mind along with the feeling of being admired. We imagine ourselves greeting newcomers at church and contributing generously to charitable organizations, and we warmly approve our spirituality. There is scarcely a thought in our idle reveries that does not somehow shore up a sagging sense of worth.

He continues the assault:

Though we genuinely sympathize with a victim of parental abuse, we quite consciously enjoy congratulating ourselves for doing so. We may give words of encouragement to a faltering friend with unfeigned care, even though we are aware of the heightened feeling of importance that her grateful response brings. We might sincerely seek confession at church, but at the same time take conscious pleasure in the esteem we get from acquaintances there.

And again:

Our jobs, for example, are particularly strong suppliers of self-justification. This is especially true of professional people, who are acutely conscious that their jobs are highly regarded by the rest of the society. It is true too of ministers and counselors, who may constantly be aware of the love they give and the broken lives they help fix.

He is just getting warmed up, and I already feel beaten up. He had warned, in the preface, that accepting this invitation “to explore the dividedness that infects the Christian heart” involves risks. It might produce “distrust in the genuineness of Christian love or skepticism about whether we can be open to God’s grace. It might even lead to unremitting despair about human nature.

I am already near despair. I sure hope this exploration does end up “incit[ing] single-minded openness to God’s grace."

The Easier Task

I'm finally convinced.  It is easier to deconstruct than (re-)construct.  It is easier to criticize than (re-)create.  It is easier to spot a problem than offer a solution.  The former is needed, to be sure.  But it is needed precisely because it is necessary (though not always sufficient) for the latter.   

From now on, I resolve to deconstruct, criticize and spot problems, not as an end in and of themselves but always as a foundation for (re)constructing, (re)creating and offering solutions.

Two Greats

Pastor John Piper of Bethlehem Baptist Church begins his book, Let The Nations Be Glad, by stating: “Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t.”

Here’s a corollary.

The Great Commission is not the ultimate goal of the church. Obedience to the Great Commandment is. The Great Commission exists because the obedience to the Great Commandment doesn’t.

Elusive Racism

It's often by reading something my friend Dan writes that gets me thinking about race issues in the US.  But today, it was my own experience.

 

I visited a post office, and felt that an employee there treated me rudely.  Now, she could have been rude for any number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with my being a Korean-American.  Maybe she was having a bad day.  Maybe she was having personal issues.  Maybe she's like that to everyone.  Maybe she thought I was rude.  And on and on. 

 

But then, maybe, just maybe, she just doesn't like what I am.

 

Having to wonder -- rather than know for certain -- whether my race has something to do with how I was treated in the numerous daily encounters with other people is one of the things I hate about racism (or what racism does to its victims).

Greed Strikes Again!

In writing about the recent turmoil in the financial markets, Richard Cohen at the Washington Post muses: "The theme in the current financial crisis is not...greed...."  And why not?  He answers: "[S]ince that...will be with us forever."

Well, not quite forever.  But, yes, until the consummation of the Kingdom of God.  And if we, the Christians in the US, are indeed ambassadors for the Kingdom of God, should we not be marked out, much more than we are now, by the absence of greed?

Wall Street, Main Street, My Street, Your Street....

Some are blaming the Wall Street for the latest financial woes, the Bear Stearns, the Lehmans and the Morgan Stanleys of the world who re-packaged and sold risky assets. Others say the Main Street is to blame as well, the WaMus and the Countrywides who originated those risky assets.  

I'd say we should go a step further and blame the Our Streets as well, the Smiths, the Kims, the Whatever-the-Last-Names who jumped at the opportunity to buy bigger, newer and shinier houses, that seemed too good to be true, that taxed our ability to give to the needy at all (let alone generously), that was priced based on houses appreciating at a rate that would make all homeowners millionaires in less than a decade, claiming ignorance on the balloon payments and risky interest-rate resets. Perhaps we were ignorant of those.  Perhaps we were misled.  But of one thing, I don't think we can plead ignorance: Our desire for bigger, newer and shinier houses.  No matter what the cost.  No matter what the risks.  Even risking our obedience to God's call.  Even risking our faithfulness (and perhaps faith itself).

What would Apostle Paul have said?  Perhaps,  something exactly like what he said to Timothy, his protege: 

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time — he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

Amazing.  It's like he's addressing us, today.

Long & Short of Prayers

"O God, because without you we are not able to please you, mercifully grant that your Holy Spirit may in all things direct and rule our hearts; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever.  Amen."

I was a bit taken aback at the brevity of the prayer -- more specifically of the supplication portion of it -- above, which was the prayer for this past Sunday in the Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer.  

Here I was, with my head bowed down at my desk, eyes closed, hands gripped together, grappling (or gasping, perhaps) for the appropriate words.  So many requests to make known.   Just as many sins to confess.   And this.  And that.  And what else....  

Then come these words of grace: "Mercifully grant that your Holy Spirit may in all things direct and rule our hearts."  No more.  No less.  Just these.  I think the Holy Spirit was interceding for me this morning.  How gracious He is, always.